Overly Stress

CMI sia. Year 4 is a tough year. I've always been confident that if I put in effort, I will be able to accomplish anything. Now, I'm starting to doubt it. Doubt myself, my abilities, my character, the real me.. It's all NTU's fault! Lol..

I love what I am studying now but it's just too much things to do and time is SUPER limited. After school, all I want to do is to go home and rot. (Rotting is a past-time to me.) But all I am doing is study, study and study. Even on the train or bus, I'll be reading BOS(Blue Ocean Strategy book required to be read by HRM module) book. First thing I do when I reach home is to switch on my laptop and watch online videos? NO! Switch on to do my reports. Rushing for everything. I started early since I am always slow and lousy in writing reports. I know my weakness and so I started early to do my report. But starting early doesn't help at all. I'm still struggling to finish things on time.One FYP and one resume assignment are not enough. Mulitimedia System module wants to join in and it did. Great..just so prefect. Year 4 == no life. Super no life.

I've been so busy that when I slack, I start to get scare. Scare of what? Scare of slacking too much and not be able to finish my stuff, scare that once I slack I don't have the drive to get back into my study mood. Scare of everything. Scare of the predictable and the unpredictable. Ridiculous it might have sound but it's true.

It's scary just how much stress a person can take before he/she goes mad. I wonder just how much pressure do you need to make someone to become so desperate that he/she would run away from everything and throw away everything he/she used to cherish. Will I ever become one of them? I'm not strong. I know friends who are and I really admire them. I really tried to be strong but I couldn't and broke down in front of my beloved. I don't want to show the weaker side of me to him. I don't but I can't help it. I can't stop the tears. It's tiring and being alone in school is tiring.

When will this nightmare ever end? Will next semester be better? I hope so and I can't wait to get out of this place. It has changed me so much that at a point like this, I'm afraid of how much it is going to change of me in my last year.
Have I gone berserk? Going to..Haha..

If you think this only happens to me, then I'll tell you something. Out of 4 of my friends in their final year in NTU, 3 of them have a 'stress' word as their msn nick.
Amazing.

Now that I finished typing this entry, I've discovered one thing. I'm rushing through this entry too. Hai...