I feel so useless!

Last Saturday, I went to a sweet,cute and bright 14 years old little girl's funeral. Even though she wasn't close to me, I could still feel the sadness. Seeing her picture...seeing her body lying in a coffin...no could stop their tears.
Yang: Well..At least you are not close to her.
Me: Ya..But I saw her in church. I remember her.
It was said to be a 'relatively simple 2 hours operation'. No one thought that this would happen. I feel so helpless. Looking at her parents grieve, its simply heart aching. She was so innocent and young yet she is no longer here with us any more. So sudden ..so surreal...
Sometimes i feel that if there's really God, he should have taken me away instead of her. I've sin more than she does. Why does it have to happen to her? If only they would have discovered her illness earlier..if only... i've been thinking so many 'if only's .It's all pointless now. It's all pointless.
I guess all i can do is to believe that she is no long in pain and she is with God.
To whoever reading this: Cherish what you have and the people beside you. There is no telling when will happen the very next minute.

Stress Out

I've been waking up in the middle of the night for 2 days. Ever since the submission of my report on last Friday, nothing much have i progress. My supervisor didn't came for work on Monday and Tuesday. Part of me wanted him to come today and the other part of me just hopes that he comes tomorrow or on Friday.
If he comes to work, I'll know that he'll talk to us and brief us on what we should do for the next few weeks. So I wouldn't have felt so lost like the last 2 days and i wouldn't have been thinking of how to proceed on with my research.
However, the other half of me just want to take a break before he assigns us with out next task. With him around definitely means all work and no play. I don't want to be like dull Jack.
Still, i think i'll stick with hoping that he comes today since i seriously have no idea on how i should proceed on. Ok, there's definitely things to do before he comes back. Eg: Learn a few skills that is required for me to complete my project or stuff that i could read up on etc. But i seriously don't like the feeling of not being told to do stuff. Not that i'm insane or what...It just feel better if someone is to assure me that i'm on the right track and i am right to proceed on with the stuff that i'm working on now. You know..Assurance..I guess that's what makes a whole lot of difference.
I think i'm just those type of person who needs a lot of assurance, a lot of support and a lot of acknowledgement. Sounds to me that i'm very insecure. I am? Maybe..maybe a little...
Heck! Mr Huang is you accidentally surf the web and bump into this website, I want you to know that i really hope you come today. Bring hope and light into my life again. I don't want to wake up on my own at 4am thinking that it's time for work.

Freaking Suay Day

Hai..Today is a suay day. First 'suay' thing that happens to me is that my stupid shoe have to spoil. It spoilt when i was walking to work! WTH~ Now, i really left with my slippers and my sport shoes at home. ALL my shoes with heels have spoilt in one way or the way. Next, that stupid machine in the pantry have to piss me off by splashing my milo out of my cup while i only asked for water from it. That stupid machine had stained my new shirt..i repeat NEW shirt. What is wrong with it man...That was the time i wished for a peaceful day. A quiet and peaceful day. I want nothing to happen and nothing new to happen. Well..i thought so...or hope so..but no..that's only the beginning..
After surfing the net for awhile, guess what i discovered? Forgetful Miss Wahwah has sent the wrong document to my supervisor. ARGH~ I seriously want to go home and stay at home. It felt like a 'stay-at-home-or-you're-dead' day.Why does everything bad have to happen all at the same time? How can i have a happy period if things like this keep on happening to me?
Worst of all, I'm simply left on my own to research today. How to? How to? I don't know a single thing. If my day is not getting worst then it should be getting better. But no~, its not and I'm stuck in this terrible research project which seems to have no end to it. Why do i have to have such a tiring life? Everything must be carried out the hard way. I just hope time flies as swift as it can and let me go home on my 'on-the-verge-of-splitting-into-two' heels.
Good thing is..there's mehmeh to cheer me up and june my ex to chit chat with me..otherwise i'll be going bersek in the office.

WaT's Wrong With Me?

I'm feeling so stressed up recently. What's wrong with me?
I should take things easily. Let them come and go. But i can't!!! I don't know why.
This stupid IA seems to be some kind of poison. Once taken, it will slow attack your brain then your heart. It doesn't goes straight to ur heart. It takes its own sweet time torturing you. First, making you think that it's just a 6 months during working period. Moreover, we are still undergraduates, they won't expect so much from us. Then, slowly tells you what they expect from you (giving you wee bit of stress now). After knowing that you might be a bit worry, they'll try to comfort you by ensuring you that you will be able to reach their expectation. After calming you down and leaving the job on ur own, the poison inside you will start its fatal action. It makes you worry, feel unwell, have sleepless nights and then difficuility in breathing. A slight pain will be felt at your chest area when you breath out.
Yesterday night was the first night i ever felt this kind of pain. Its possible i might be thinking too much. It's also possible that i am having some unknown illiness and it's possible that i might just be too stress. For any reason, the slow and subtle pain makes me feeling like i might die in my sleep. Like the doctor who died in his sleep at the age of 30 or 40 plus and my brother's colleague who died in his sleep at 30 plus. Life's so unpredictable, it scares me sometimes.
To have the thought of dying, all things undone will come flooding your mind. I want to..I want to...I still want to live on..continue my life ..fulfil my dreams.
I think i will never come to a conclusion on the dying thought that i had yesterday. I guess the best thing i can do is to cherish everyday and everyone that i love.

Monday blues..

Oh man..its monday again. I think i've been enjoying too much on my Saturday and Sunday. Its kind of hard to get back the drive to 'work'. Well...if only there's a Lastday after Sunday. Lastday can be something that prepare everyone for the coming of Monday. It can give us a ring in the head when we say today is Lastday and all us will be thinking 'Oh..must prepare for work/school for Monday.' I guess i'm just being lame again. =S
If there's ever a Lastday...i think i'll be hoping for a Lastlastday after it..lol
Anyway, work hasn't been too stressful since this is only the second week of IA(industrial attachment). But after last week, I can feel the pressure coming. When the pressure's coming, you just know that the work's gonna be more and more serious and stressful. That's why i kind of dread the days to comes. Yet, come to think again, if the days doesn't come, then IA will NEVER end! Argh~ It feels like livin' hell.
If only my supervisor wasn't that demanding. I guess i'll take this IA as a challenge. Take it as it comes. Otherwise, i'll have to move to Woodbridge for awhile. It would be nice to have a change of environment but i dun think i'm ready for one yet.

Simply Me..

Me..Wahwah blogging?
Haha..I can't imagine myself blogging, yet to think what my friends would say if they know about it. I guess it's hard to explain why have I thought of blogging only at this point of time. Well..a few reasons that i could think of is :
1) I'm too free.
2) I've been looking through all my friends blog and i've got tempted to have one.
3) Maybe i want people to take notice of me for once.
4) All of the above.
Seriously, i have no idea. I guess i'll choose 4 if this is an mcq question. Moreover, i'm not sure how long my urge of having a blog will last. Maybe a month..a week..a few days..
But, one thing i do know is that i want to update my close friends of how i've been. The past few days, i kind of feel closer to my friends while reading their blog. It feels like i am still in their lives, knowing what is going on with them now,where have they been to and what are they feeling. To my surprise, it felt good. Of course, i didn't start out to read their blogs cause i want to know what they are doing or to know how have they been. I merely read because i was taking short breaks in my office. I guess it was then that i've learnt that blogging isn't something you do for yourself, sometimes you are doing it for your friends. To let them into your life, show them how you have been recently. I wouldn't expect close friends to read my blog often, i just want them to have another source of knowing how i am. To think about it, if me or my friends are busy, wouldn't blogs be the simplest way to know and to communicate with one another?
That's why... To all my beloved friends out there..i will start blogging and update it as often as i can =P