Thinking Back

My last exam is on the 29th of this month. After it, I still have an oral presentation. Once I've finish with my presentation, I have completed my curriculum as a engineering undergrad. It's something I been looking forward to. Every undergraduate are looking forward to it. I thought the feeling will be the same as graduating from your secondary school/poly or JC. You know happy and feeling excited to embrace what's ahead. But the feeling is rather different. I not implying that i'm unhappy, just that uni.'s system is a whole lot different. Being someone who's not clever, I've pulled through these four years with my hard work. Well, I don't know if it paid off since I'm still not sure what class of honors I'll be getting. But I'm glad and proud to say that I've been really hardworking at some point of time in my life. I can't forget the days where I stayed up late in school just to study. Most of time I'm studying alone and thinking back about those times surprised even myself. I never thought I have that determination in me to stay in school to mug. I emailed the lecturers to make an appointment with them so that they can clarify my doubts. I spend time communicating with my lecture notes and do my tutorials before attending them. There are times that I did put in effort and I'm glad I did. Even if my grades doesn't show, I'm glad I tried my best and not waste my time away. I'm proud and I feel that I'm able and confident.

It might looks like I'm boosting or something, but I believe that everyone had similar experiences as me. And thinking back about these experiences never fails to boost up your confidence a little. I glad and satisfied.

And I hope that with this little confidence boost, I'll be able to face the working world a lot more better.

Sometimes I feel that I can understand why people wants to commit suscide...

That place is suppose to be filled with warm and love. It's suppose to make people yearn to come back. But to me, this place is never the way it is suppose to be. I can't help but feel depress, sad, miserable and trapped.

Everywhere I see in that place is filled with evidence of her presence. Her abnormal self. I want to do something about it. I want but there's nothing much I can really do. Trying to reverse her actions will only cause a quarrel. I don't want a quarrel neither do I want to let her do what she want. Some times I can't help it but feel like blaming her for all the unhappiness that she had caused. I know it's not right since its not that she really wants to. The only thing that I am capable of doing is to run away. But that is not a place where I can run away forever. I have to go to that place sometimes and running away from that place makes me feel that I'm just running away from my problems.

I want to be normal, be insignificant. Just want to hide away from this harsh reality. I tried to brush it aside and not to think about it whenever I can. I tried to look forward to going back that place. Psycho-ed myself many times to look on the bright side. But I cant. I really cant. I want to stay strong but it's far from possible to me...

彩云国物语 aka Saiunkoku Monogatari

A truly magnificent anime that I've been watching lately. If I'm given a choice I wouldn't categorize it as an anime. To me, It's more like a short fiction Chinese story like 'Xi Yu Ji' or '108 Tiao Hao Han'. By now you would have know that the story set in the ancient china. In short, this story is about an upright lady who dream of becoming a governor so that she is able to care of the citizens in her country. (In the ancient times, the court had always been dominated by men and women were forbidden to take the exams.) She knows that her dream will never come true but she never give up in her dream. And the turning point of her life begins on the day where she agree to become the temporary 'wife' of the emperor. Of course, the emperor nor she came up with this decision. It was the higher governors who requested for her assistance to guide the presently uninterested emperor into ruling the country. Being the daughter of a poor low rank governor, she agreed upon hearing the price they offered. Her duty: to make the emperor attend to his duties! Her journey begins here but it didn't end here. Of course, she manage to hold a governor post in the anime but how and what other difficulties did she face? For those questions, I'll leave it for you guys to answer them after watching it.

Is there romance in it? There are quite a few but I would say that it wasn't the story's main focus so there's only parts of these episodes that contain lovey-dovey scenes. But I got to say that the men drewn in these story are ATTRACTIVE! Lol.. Not that all of them physically attractive but all of them have their own personalities which are attractive depending on the type you like.

But do note that the story can be pretty confusing at some point of time. Since the people in the court are brilliantly talented/clever in their own way, it might be hard to understand some of the schemes they are plotting. Moreover, the subtitles are in Chinese for some of the episodes I've watched. (Chinese~ Something I've return to my teachers long ago. I'm never good at it tot. =~( )

There's in fact 2 seasons to this anime. Each is 39 episodes long. Pretty long eh? Lol.. Well I believe you will enjoy watching it and still wanting for more. Haha..fine! That might only occur to me but it never hurt to watch the first episode of the anime before deciding on whether to continue or not.

MIA but am back for dunno how long(Lol)

Aye~

I know what you guys are going to tell me once I had my chatter box up. Must be one of the statements below, so I'm just going to post up my replies below them (lol):

1) You lazy bum. So lazy to even update your blog?
Wah: Sorry la.. Everyone are lazy at some point of time.

2)What the *(&%$^! You never post anything after your previous post stating the entires you want to type about. I was looking forward to reading one of them you know? Afterwards, you stopped blogging for like a few months, are you kidding me?
Wah: Haha..Not funny meh? I see liao also find myself pretty funny leh. So ironic right?

3)Auntie, how come after you left your blog to rot, the chatter box disappeared too. You did it on purpose right? So that I cannot scold you through your chatter box.
Wah: It's Lady btw, not auntie. The chatter box disappear on its own. This was just a coincident ok? I'm not that evil as to remove my chatter box so that you cannot scold me ok?

4)My goddness, you're alive!
Wah: Ya lah. Alive and kicking. Just lazy to move my fingers to blog.